up up and away!

As the days pass slowly
and another week crawls by
i myself find thinking
about ways how i would die

i lay awake at night
thinking of my plans
there's no way it can get better ;
i have nothing left to gain

suddenly thoughts of death
controls my every move;
every battle with my mind
i always lose

i no longer want to be around
the people i love
all i can think about
is whats waiting up above

i cut my arms with razor blades
to ambush the pain inside
but that can only last so long
i don't want to be alive

i manage to keep my composure
when people are around
they wouldn't understand me
so i don't make a sound

i smile when i have to
i break down when i don't
i know i should be stong
but i know i wont,
i know i cant

so i make a plan to pop some pills
it shouldnt take long , shouldnt it ?
i write out notes to all my friends
to read when im gone

i plan it out so perfectly
i even set the date
im pretty sure im dead ready!
i know this is my fate

my bed is made up neatly
as i take them one by one
i start to feel a little joy
lighting inside

i give in to the darkness
i slowly slip away
i hope i go to heaven
up up and away!

spot the secret message? =)

♥xan