i need time

to thouse who has stumble upon this
please dont ask me anything
because im trying to forget.

this is specifically to someone,
i dont expect any reply or response
from that someone.

To that someone,

this is not a break-up but just another bump .

i understand that you have said sorry and its not that i don't forgive you i just need time to recover i know its not a huge thing but to me that 3~5 days was terrible. its as if u disappeared off the face of the earth i know u have tried to contact and yes i truly believe you but my heart just needs time

within the 3~5 days , all i wish was to lay in bed and sleep my days away because doing other things gives me high hopes in thinking its you

my phone rings, but its the alarm
my msn blinks, but its just a friend online
my skype pops up , but its just a concerned friend

and i dont want to go back wishing to sleep in order to feel closer to you that was why i sounded upset the past few days when u said you were going out i cant help it .. its a trauma, its a phobia its a nightmare to go back to the point where " ohh gosh his going out again , when will he come back ? 3pm? 3am? 3 days ? 3 weeks? or 3 months? "

i know you cant bare to see me like this cause " ohh common ! ur over reacting ! i didnt see you less than a week onli maaa whats with the big reaction ? " but im sorry need time to recover. im sorry for not being able to be recover as fast as usual.

i also do know that u blame yourself for it but its not ur fault everyone needs to get out and onli god knows that i hate myself very much to see you accusing and frustrated with urself and i dont know when will you have enough of my selfish and childish attitude and leave me for it.

but i do know that i love you very much. and still does not regret saying that what you said was RUBBISH when u said i spend most of my time with you emo-ing! because if it was true, id rather spend my days out with friends than being with you.


from xan
23April2010