you make me speeeeeeechless

i feel like a recorder ..
i feel like my past is replaying
again and again and again
Lewis found a job heck yea
im glad he did but we seem to
be arguing much more than
we usually do

recorder because ray my ex and i
use to have the same NONE stop
episode/drama about him working
and not spending enuff time
and rubbih

and when i say
much more arguments
with lewis
i mean like 4 times
since 21st of may to 28th may
and it was one way or another
related to his work

its not that i dont want
him to work im actually
alright with him working,
as long as his happy im happy

its not that im so jobless
to go and pick a fight with him
its not like i have alot of free time
to pick a fight with him
i actually hate arguing
over small things
if it involves me getting
disappointed or upset
then id defend what i feel

and yesterday night we had
an argument again
annoying lil bastards they are
these annoying argument bugs
yes ,they are.

so he was telling me about his work
and his boss from kl came and took
a snap shot of lewis leaning
for a few moment and
ofcourse i agree fcuker of a boss
that lad he was .
expecting lewis to work efficiently
on week days and on week ends
so of if anyone knows who the heck is
PADINI's boss in kl is _l_ you!
for making my boy upset

the point is i understand
why lewis got upset
but lewis thinks that im doing it
to avoid conflict with him that night
i mean COMMON!

all night i hear you saying
tired you are and how
ur legs are in aching from standing
i feel upset and all i want is
for the pain to go away
and ofcourse its because
i love and
i care about ur well being

and for god ONLY knows why
he went and say that
im only agreeing to avoid debating
i went from
concerned xan poor baby
to
wtheck xan bloody baby
in that split second
and i said from then on
i wont ask him how was/is work

and i did tell him but
he seems to like say his sorry
but i didnt accept his apology
coz gosh ...
i dont want you to say
ur sorry if u dont know
what you did but if u knew wad
u did wrong , i dont mind
i would have gone back to normal
but u think its revenge again

totally stunned
and whats worst
is that none of us
are talking

i really just feel disappointed
and at the same time upset

xan.