been AGES!

i'll blog more reguarding about loads of things..
i know i got loads of explanation to do
pardon-tay-muaahhh

but right now , im in aussie!
i attended my 2nd big brothers
Graduation ceremony
made me cry with tears
so proud of him.

and
in around 55 mins
it will be x'mas
i wish everyone
from the bottom of my heart
=)



lovesss XAN!

.....i didnt need to know how wrong u were, i just needed to know the reason why you said it

.......i meant what i said , no sarcasm at all

please read..

i honestly didnt blame you

i agree you didnt have the chance for you to explain to me that day,

you make me speeeeeeechless

i feel like a recorder ..
i feel like my past is replaying
again and again and again
Lewis found a job heck yea
im glad he did but we seem to
be arguing much more than
we usually do

recorder because ray my ex and i
use to have the same NONE stop
episode/drama about him working
and not spending enuff time
and rubbih

and when i say
much more arguments
with lewis
i mean like 4 times
since 21st of may to 28th may
and it was one way or another
related to his work

its not that i dont want
him to work im actually
alright with him working,
as long as his happy im happy

its not that im so jobless
to go and pick a fight with him
its not like i have alot of free time
to pick a fight with him
i actually hate arguing
over small things
if it involves me getting
disappointed or upset
then id defend what i feel

and yesterday night we had
an argument again
annoying lil bastards they are
these annoying argument bugs
yes ,they are.

so he was telling me about his work
and his boss from kl came and took
a snap shot of lewis leaning
for a few moment and
ofcourse i agree fcuker of a boss
that lad he was .
expecting lewis to work efficiently
on week days and on week ends
so of if anyone knows who the heck is
PADINI's boss in kl is _l_ you!
for making my boy upset

the point is i understand
why lewis got upset
but lewis thinks that im doing it
to avoid conflict with him that night
i mean COMMON!

all night i hear you saying
tired you are and how
ur legs are in aching from standing
i feel upset and all i want is
for the pain to go away
and ofcourse its because
i love and
i care about ur well being

and for god ONLY knows why
he went and say that
im only agreeing to avoid debating
i went from
concerned xan poor baby
to
wtheck xan bloody baby
in that split second
and i said from then on
i wont ask him how was/is work

and i did tell him but
he seems to like say his sorry
but i didnt accept his apology
coz gosh ...
i dont want you to say
ur sorry if u dont know
what you did but if u knew wad
u did wrong , i dont mind
i would have gone back to normal
but u think its revenge again

totally stunned
and whats worst
is that none of us
are talking

i really just feel disappointed
and at the same time upset

xan.

caught between 2 dead ends

right now its 1.o1 am
19th of May
your most likely sleeping
i know i should be studying
but i cant seem to place my heart on it

a few minutes ago,
we had an tiny argument
you asked if it would
look good on ur car
honestly i dont know
and i honestly couldnt care-less

it dont mean i dont care
about wad you do
its just that
1. I AM NOT GOOD WITH CARS
2. IM NOT GOOD AND VISUALIZING
i cant place 2 separate pictures in one
like i cant imagine myself
in a dress i want to buy
because i really cant...

and u ask me if it would look nice on ur car
and i said smth that made you hurt
cause it sounded like
i dont care
but your car is your wife
and you said i shouldn't sit in ur car
and i tot you were joking but u weren't

and because of that we
ended our conversation
with an awkward silence
gosh i hate the cold harsh silence
after a disagreement
with you ,
usually its not good at all

im sorry for reacted the way i have
but i honestly dont know
what to say about ur car
except for the fact that
to me a car is a car,
because thats how i think a car is.

i dont know wad else should i say
only..
caught between 2 dead ends

baby,☁

i joke when i said i was upset with you =x
just so u can come here =X












































I’ve always admired you from afar
but never knew you would look my way
and would get like this...

曹达华,我爱你

♡'s your naw-tii babe,

i need time

to thouse who has stumble upon this
please dont ask me anything
because im trying to forget.

this is specifically to someone,
i dont expect any reply or response
from that someone.

To that someone,

this is not a break-up but just another bump .

i understand that you have said sorry and its not that i don't forgive you i just need time to recover i know its not a huge thing but to me that 3~5 days was terrible. its as if u disappeared off the face of the earth i know u have tried to contact and yes i truly believe you but my heart just needs time

within the 3~5 days , all i wish was to lay in bed and sleep my days away because doing other things gives me high hopes in thinking its you

my phone rings, but its the alarm
my msn blinks, but its just a friend online
my skype pops up , but its just a concerned friend

and i dont want to go back wishing to sleep in order to feel closer to you that was why i sounded upset the past few days when u said you were going out i cant help it .. its a trauma, its a phobia its a nightmare to go back to the point where " ohh gosh his going out again , when will he come back ? 3pm? 3am? 3 days ? 3 weeks? or 3 months? "

i know you cant bare to see me like this cause " ohh common ! ur over reacting ! i didnt see you less than a week onli maaa whats with the big reaction ? " but im sorry need time to recover. im sorry for not being able to be recover as fast as usual.

i also do know that u blame yourself for it but its not ur fault everyone needs to get out and onli god knows that i hate myself very much to see you accusing and frustrated with urself and i dont know when will you have enough of my selfish and childish attitude and leave me for it.

but i do know that i love you very much. and still does not regret saying that what you said was RUBBISH when u said i spend most of my time with you emo-ing! because if it was true, id rather spend my days out with friends than being with you.


from xan
23April2010

Where was i in dec.?

Every year me and my family would always go to kk
we never miss it , either once a year or more x_X
and each trip never seems to get bored o_O
call me old fashion but i love it.
i love the idea of Beach and Forrest
i'll let the picture talk =)

EXTREAMLY dumb questions ! =_=!

You know who u are

Regarding on the subject above
I get pissed when im asking something
and the person goes
" you dont know what that is ?
or
" you dont know how to do it ? "
i mean o0o you !
if i know how to do it
i would not be asking u in the first place

i mean i know im bothering
u doing ur thing when im asking you
but im asking you
when im at my most vulnerable point
and u reply it that way

usually when i want or need something
i don't usually say it out
i prefer to be independent
a DO or DIE person
but when i do its the " i extreamly need it thing"
and damn u !

im going to talk about a scene where it ticked me off alil too much

Amy me and Jarred
sits in the same bench in the same class
and as the lecturer is talking we jot down notes
and when Jarred does catch
what the lecturer says i would show Jarred my notes
becoz Jarred ASKED FROM ME
and by showing Jarred MY notes it delays me writing
therefore sometimes i
have to look at Amy's note next to me
and thus forming a tiny ripple effect

but hey! that does not matter right ?
because i did not see it that way
for it as a win - win situation
like u ask i help next time i ask u help
that sort of thing going on but NO =_=

In tuition Me Jessa and Jarred
sits together usually im really quiet in tuition
to catch what the teacher is talking about
and i ask Jessa

Xan : Jessa how you do this?
Jessa: you... * going to teach *
then Jarred over heard our convo and goes
in an im all mighty voice
Jarred: you don't know how meh?

and mind you i was asking Jessa and not Jarred

that was it! i got so pissed
i did o0o and meant it
and up till now my burning rage at you
still has not cooled down

From the very pissed xan !

sorry D:

Sorry for the extreme late updates

yes i know most of you are wondering
" why is my blog being kept private ?"
well , my teacher talked
about a blog in class
and i felt i was me HMMM..
so therefore it will from now onwards be
a private blog =)

a few things happened :

1.Happy Chinese New Year
may the tiger be the best year
for us monkaayys =x

2.Kit- Kit kor kor came back
after 1 year not seeing him. which was a pretty awesome
visit actually this year cousin susana and her family came for CNY ! and taiwan shu-shu and his family spend CNY too ! its been along time we had them celebrating CNY with us, it was suppose to be full family gathering but sadly uncle Calvin and aunt Jane

3.I officially turned 18!
which means i am able to
strip legally in any club
NATION-WIDE!
oo yesss!! =)

4.Driving license coming soon!
but damn it !
im feeling alil skeptical about it
especially round abouts
i want to avoid thouse
as much as possible D:




<3s xan !

dam i love my man <3

yes. i know its lame . but he SELDOM say sweet things , and some people dun even know tim ! so sweeeeeeet <3